Crack Story OVER 9000
by Chibi Pirate-chan
Summary: This is a crack crossover my brother asked me to write. Plot- Dr. Eggman has plans to take over the world using his giant Magikarp. After he steals Squidward's clarinet, Squidward teams up with Slender Man, Sebastian, Keroro, Sonic and many other characters to thwart Dr. Eggman, travel the world with the help of Squidward's iPhone 5's Apple Maps, and take back his clarinet. Rated T
1. The Kidnapping

Crack Story OVER 9000

A/N: This is a crack crossover my brother asked me to write. Plot- Dr. Eggman has plans to take over the world using his giant Magikarp. After he steals Squidward's clarinet, Squidward teams up with Slender Man, Sebastian, Keroro, Sonic and many other characters to thwart Dr. Eggman, travel the world with the help of Squidward's iPhone 5's Apple Maps, and take back his clarinet. Rated T for swearing and some slight yaoi scenes, if you squint. This chapter will be realitvely short, as it's the introduction. Also, I know that rape jokes aren't funny. They are never funny and will never be funny.

Chapter One: The Kidnapping

It was a typical day in Bikini Bottom. Squidward woke up, got a cup of coffee, and tried to spend the rest of his day at work trying not to kill that neandrathal SpongeBob. So when work finally got out and Squidward was able to go home, the deformed squid relaxed with his "wonderful" clarinet playing.

"Ah, home sweet home," the blue sea creature sighed, and picked up his clarinet. Then suddenly, a wild storm appeared! As Squidward was contemplating about how the hell it could storm in the bottom of the ocean, he heard something that jolted him out of his thoughts.

"WUAHAHAHAHA!" a laugh called in the distance, and some sort of ugly-ass fish came out of nowhere. It was huge, and... had a crown? Was that a crown? Squidward couldn't tell. It was mostly red, with yellow feeler like things and a crown like thing, and as far as Squidward could tell, had a person just as ugly on top. But the squid couldn't tell. The damned thing was bigger than his house!

Out of the darkness and lightning, one of the giant feeler thingys reached inside the tiki house, knocking our dear friend Squidward down. The fish grabbed the black instrument, and Squidward's cartoon eyes widened in suprise.

"MY BABY!" he screamed, scrambling to try to get the instrument back.

"I AM DOCTOR EGGMAN," a sound emmited from the fish,"AND IMMA TAKING YOUR CLARINET AND DESTROYING THE WORLD WITH MY GIANT MAGIKARP!" The...Magikarp?... retracted its yellow thing and flew away, leaving the blue squid in shock and crying.

"M-my house. . . My clarinet. . . MY BABY!" he sobbed, and curled himself into a fetal position and bawled his eyes out. Then, a sudden thought occured to him. What if he called his cousin to go get revenge on Dr. Eggman? In a flash of rainbows and sparkles, his iPhone 5 (listen up. This iPhone actually gets almost important in the story) manifested into his tentacles. He dialed the number, 666-555-6666, and a low, malicious voice answered.

"Why hello, cousin. Wanna play a game?" it asked slowly, adding to the overall creepiness of the man on the other end.

"Cousin Slendy. It's been a long time since we've talked," Squidward replied, wiping the tears from his face and sucking in the snot from his giant nose. The voice on the other end softened and chuckled.

"Heh, you never fell for that. What's wrong? You sound like crap," Slender Man asked, and Squidward slowly sighed. The squid cleared his throat and swallowed.

"Well, some guy named Dr. Eggman took my clarinet and threatened to destroy the world. And I want it back. . ." the tall man laughed.

"Oh, that ass. Yeah, he took my other suit, and I kind of need that. Gotta look nice before you tentacle rape little girls, y'know?" Slender Man chuckled, and cracked his knuckles. Squidward laughed.

"Okay. So yeah, we're gonna get the clarinet back. And your other suit. I'll be there later." Squidward concluded, and Slendy agreed and hung up. Squidward sighed, and got a glass bowl and put it on his gigantic head.

"Well. . . To the land we go," he mumbled, crawled into his cannon, and blasted himself onto the continent known as North America.

~~~~~CHAPTER: END~~~~~~


	2. The Game

A/N: These actually don't take me very long to write, but I don't have internet at my house. That means I have to wait to upload these. XD Also, if you're wondering about the title, just know I suck at titles. This chapter's very short, too. (I can write for a horribly long time, but if it's serious.) Also, this chapter will mention a game called hide-and-seek alone. Go google it if you don't know what it is. c: And if you were wondering when the Kuroshitsuji characters were coming in, that will be in chapter five. :3 I know, there's a crap ton of characters from many shows so I just chose two random ones. (I love Black Butler~! :D)

Crack Story OVER 9000

Chapter Two: The Game

"Hey Slendy, where are you at?" the squids voice echoed through the woods as he contacted his tall, faceless cousin. In Squidward's journey to find the clarinet, he stopped at Slender Man's property to ask for some help. But he looked everywhere, and the faceless monster couldn't be found!

"Hehe, find me," the overly-spooky muffled-sounding voice answered back. Squidward groaned, and raised a tentacle onto his bald head.

"Are you kidding me?! You're making me complete a stupid trap you leave for little girls?!"

Slender Man's laugh echoed through the phone,"Come on, Squidward. It'll be fun! It's not like I'll kill you. Maybe," the other end hung up, and the blue squid cursed. Now he had to find eight freaking pages in order to just talk to his cousin.

As Squidward was muttering obscene words (not the sexual obscene) under his breath, his glass fish bowl full of water smacked into a giant tree, making the glass vibrate and the squid's ears ring. The squid fell back, knocking his head once more on the bowl. He could literally hear the birds chirping and stars twinkling, circling around his animated head. It was painful, and would most definitley leave a large bruise in the morning.

Then, something fluttering caught his eye! In his peripheral vison, he spotted aged paper taped onto the tree. The squid jumped up and ran to the page, eyes scanning over it.

"FUCK YOU, SQUIDDEH!1!" it read, showing a small picture of our... hero? Tell me, audience, would you say Squidward is our hero? The blue squid shook his head, noting how immature his cousin still was.

A flash, skip, rainbows, sparkles, and a tea time later, the squid found four pages. And a used tentacle condom. Squidward, disgusted with his find, threw the condom back into the woods, followed by a creepy voice whispering,"_finders keepers, losers weepers. . ._" A chill shivered up the squid's soft spine (I don't think squids have spines, but then how could Squidward walk...? mind=blown) as he heard the voice. Then he noticed that the screen on his phone, the light source, was bursting into static. The squid broke into a cold sweat, and ran as fast as a squid on land could. He turned into a large, seemingly empty building. The sea creature walked slowly, catching his breath.

His footsteps echoed through the hallways, adding to the inital spine-tingling effect of the place. The sound kept getting intense, and the squid could hear bursts of static everywhere. It scared him, and Squidward reminded himself that this was just a game, just hide-and-go-seek.

More like hide-and-seek alone.

The blue squid kept on walking in the dim building, concerned he might never find his cousin. A pouring sound caught his attention, and he looked over his trembling shoulder to find a tall, lanky, faceless humanoid monster peeing into a urinal. Squidward felt his face flush and get super hot. Blood started gushing out of his gigantic nose as he looked. . . well, down. The squid looked away, heart racing.

"Slendy, nice to see you again," he mumbled, wiping the dark red liquid from his nose. A tentacle wrapped around Squidward's body, pulling him towards the Slender Man.

"Hello, Squidward," Slendy's dark voice whisered in his ear, and Squidward started blushing again.

"Uh, Slendy, can you, um. . . Let go?" the shorter of the two tentacle cousins muttered. Slender Man gave a dark laugh, and released Squidward, who was gasping for air. He muttered a thank you, and lifted up his phone. "So, are we gonna catch this 'Doctor Eggman?'"

Slender Man nodded. "Of course, Squidward. I still need my suit, remind you."

They flew out of the building, propelling themselves with tentacles (because I mean, really, can't you just imagine that?), flying south to a very odd place. . .

Townsville, USA.


End file.
